we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
