I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
