could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Randomize