just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
