Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
