if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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