Please, let me fuck your mom
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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