I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
