There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
