I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
