I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
where are you?
Hypothermia
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
