We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Two words: nipple clamps
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