So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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