i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
