Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
