Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
