so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He passed out mid-signature
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can't talk, ducks in the car