drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.