suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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