She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize