I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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