I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
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Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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