today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
