U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
why do cheetos always look like penises
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
