If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
