My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
