you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
