"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she looked like the before picture.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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