somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
