did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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