Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
