I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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