and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
