god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
