She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
