I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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