it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
