I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
