a search helicopter?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
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I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
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Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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