just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
