I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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