Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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