We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
