i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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