new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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