Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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