last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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