You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
me + whiskey = a bad person
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
