I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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