he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Less talking, more tequila
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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