I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
