My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
