At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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