Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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