He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
