rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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