I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
